untangle

All those other things I said I would post about are becoming a jumble in my mind. I have a pocket full of drafts that I keep picking away at- it is so frustrating I'm just writing tonight without an outline.

I'm watching a shift in my process take root. It had been a truly remarkable April, with wildly varied results. I feel good and bad about the work, and good and bad about my shop, and I think with the chaos ensuing right now inside me about how to carry on~ this means to me that there is a shift happening.

I've spent the last couple days looking at the list (and schedule) of projects and tasks that got finished this month. I'm proud of the work I've done, and especially grateful for the marketing group and local small businesses that have reached out and shown such beautiful support. But I'm banging my head against something, too, and even if it only shows for me- it shows, hurts, stalls me. I've got a fist clenched tight around aspects of having an online business and don't like putting myself through that discomfort. I've been banging my head and asking "why is it there!" (been doing that a lot) in my worse moments, but in my better its just there, and I just observe.

I'm looking ahead to a really involved spring and summer with all sorts of printmaking adventures. For those of you familiar with my blog along the way, a lot of this stuff might feel like repeats and I'm sorry for that. Unpacking the Gocco silkscreen after half a year in storage has been like learning it all over again.

packing for the road trip last April

...moving... moving... moving cross country

We are lucky to still have our old screens to begin with, working out the kinks of what we remember and what still doesn't work. Last year I shut down for the road trip right at a high point in my silkscreen learning curve, so I'm really excited about trying more new things as the process unfolds. In fact, I was able to go out today and prepare with some supplies... thinking thinking thinking about some new Gocco prints in the scratchy style my Original Art has been taking on lately. Hmmm...

The world, my world, is earth-shatteringly different than it was last year when we drove out of PA and said goodbye. But maybe in terms of my internal conversation about art-making, about being a shop owner for better or worse, about the time I spend in the grass, on the beach, riding the bus (what have you) vs. online~ maybe that conversation had been left breath-baited since last year.

For the introverted girl, never really into kids, not showing her drawings to anyone, wanting to stay close to home, what a limited range I stepped out of! The bend in the road that brought me here had everything to do with standing by my sister as she became a mom, and forging a relationship with these babies (what on earth did I know about kids!?)... it has yet to let up in its varied and intense life lessons. Now that I think of it, those are the places where my life has really bloomed, through poorness and riches alike.

Hopefully that's where my art process is calling me, toward a bend, toward challenges and wonders of a new brilliance. This vertigo is from shaking out the old routines a little, about to discover a vibrant chapter lined with laughter and color. In the meantime I'm going to focus on the three most important mediums for me: Gocco, pencil, watercolor. All other resources are focused on hopefullness, anticipation, and love (since somehow that got us through before, yeah?). I'd say that's a pretty good plan.