now

I turned 31 last week. It has been a crazy, busy, (at times) frantic two weeks, so I really have to put on the breaks in order to reflect upon that. Officially, the first feet-wetting year in Portland is over, and now is the time to begin turning the gears on new ventures, new visions, to sink in some roots. I'm proud of myself for sticking to it and not moving back east this year, though the issue of work is still an issue on the table every day. It sometimes makes me feel deeply worried and I'm looking to resolve that this summer. Who knew that this would be a part of the unfolding of our grand adventure out west: the trouble in the country, or that up against the temporary ways of living I had become accustomed to I would finally choose to remain in a place and try and work it out regardless. It is time to branch out in my explorations of the west coast, to meet more artists and crafty folk here in town, and to spend my second year making this place my home.

One of my friends at work is often talking with me about yoga, meditation, and subjects of spiritual significance. I look back and see just how much those influences guided me along the way last Spring as we took the leap to change our lives, both myself and my (then) pregnant sister. In the scramble my days often feel like now, the flow and availability of that peace is obscured. I'll try my best to bring them back into my own daily practice this year. Gosh, I'll try to have a daily practice this year. Hopefully my immune system and financial situation, the two places I feel strain most often, will feel more centered the more grounded I become.

But other than goals for the future there are countless incredible, unexpected, miraculous moments from the past year to acknowledge. My nephews have turned me inside-out and head-over-heels to the very core of me, I cannot begin to put words to my love for them. My relationships with my family are changing, growing, beautiful, I am grateful for this new chapter with them, probably the most beloved example of leaving the tumultuous 20's behind. Our friends and my friends at work amaze me time and time again, what would this place or this experience have been without this remarkable community? Mamas and papas and artists and kids! I feel lucky to feel so alive and welcomed around these people I love so, surprised and happy at its variety.

I have high hopes for 31, even if 30 is a tough act to follow. When the going gets rough (June)... I like to break things down into slower, quieter segments of time. Coming home from work on my 31st birthday to a dinner made lovingly by my sister (and it was still hot) and ending the stormy day with a rainbow stretching over the house, the day turned out to be a really very good one. Despite the stresses it feels good to work hard for these basic, extraordinary things. I hope everyone reading has also has a lovely entrance into summertime, and is looking ahead with sweet anticipation at the next steps from here to there.